JANUARY 2008 “We can escape the prison of our own beliefs and enter the Palace of Possibilities when we allow ourselves to be astonished by everything.” – Gary Craig This has been a hard year for me. I had a plan. I had it all worked out. I knew how much I’d earn, and what it would take to get to where I dreamed of being. Then my wife lost her job. A few weeks after that my septic system backed up and my front lawn had to be bulldozed. It had the funny look of a meteor disaster. At the same time the pressures at my day job increased to a degree that I truly believed would destroy me. But in spite of all that is wrong I have never felt more “new.” I started listening again, I started to explore, I found new worlds and new ideas that I never knew existed. Now, everything and everyone is a wonder to me. The “rules” I thought I had a firm grip on have slipped through my fingers, and I have been left with the attitude of a child, a child in wonderland. The flowers of spring are a wonder to me, as are the colors of autumn, and each season has its own unique scent. I try to keep my windows open during the day so those aromas can fill my house. I love to sleep in sheets that are newly washed and pulled straight from the dryer to the bed. I love to talk to people and really listen, really try to see through their eyes. Almost any activity I engage in, from casual conversation to laundry, takes on new meaning if I fully engage myself in the moment, if I release yesterday with its pain and suffering, if I forget about tomorrow with its hope and ambition, and simply cling to the moment, fully seeking to experience it as if for the first time. The joy I have lately experienced has had nothing to do with my ability to control my life and master my destiny – just the opposite. I have lost control. My bills are mounting, my front yard was destroyed, and my life is literally a mess. God lovingly brought me to a place, me the control freak, of no control, a place where I had no other choice than to let go. And when I let go, I found to my shock and amazement that I didn’t plummet to my death. In fact, I was caught and held. I can say with confidence that its okay, it’ll all be okay. I’m not living irresponsibly or above my means. In fact, I am paying my bills. I simply can’t afford to spend on the extras – a DVD I’ve been wanting, a book, or a dinner out. My life has taken on a kind of simplicity because of financial constraints and the time demands of my day job. But in that simplicity I have discovered something “new” that was there all along. My joy isn’t going to be someday when I finally achieve my dreams. My joy is here and now and it is in direct proportion to my attitude. If I approach each moment of each day with the wide-eyed wonder of a child I am joyful but if I master and control I am miserable. “If we live with a sense of wonder, our lives will be filled with joy.” – Doug Henning Many blessing Children of God, |