THE GOTHIC DRESS CODE

What follows was an internet exchange that took place on His Spirit Realm.

Hi everyone. I think that I've already introduced myself, but just in case... I work as a high school teacher at a VERY conservative Christian school. I was just curious about something. I am required by the school to dress a certain way. I'm actually very modest by nature, but I'd still like to incorporate my Christian Gothic-ness into my work wear. Do any of you have jobs where you are successful in maintaining your gothic identity in a conservative environment? I do talk to my students about it sometimes (usually with upper class students). However, I've had comments from parents and try not to push anything too far. I want to respect my contract and the authority in our school, yet I also don't want to feel like I'm being someone that I'm not. Do any of you relate at all? I almost feel like I have two identities.

Thanks,
Nigheve

I must tell you this message really touched my heart. I love the times when I’m with all goth so I can dress exactly as I feel. Those times are few and far between and it hurts. Most often I am in the business world or in a very conservative church environment. In business, I am the Director of Human Resources for a company that employees over 250 people and in church I teach the most conservative group in the church. Everyone knows I am gothic but it requires a great deal of thought and patience to strike the right balance. Phil Kayalo calls me the poster child for corporate goth and I do love CorporateGoth.com. If you’ve never seen the site, check it out. It’s all about diplomacy born of love and respect. There are days when I wear all black and felt great but I have a lot of deep purple and dark gray shirts, some Celtic ties, some Garcia ties, always black pants and silver jewelry. The feel is gothic but it doesn’t overwhelm. I do feel hindered but the way I look at it is that most relationships require some degree of give and take. I give a little and so do they. I’ve been able to open doors for our annual gathering that might otherwise have been closed. There is a time and a place for everything. In the end, goth is who I am. It’s not what I wear. That’s my two cents. I usually don’t toss it in but I know exactly what you are going through because I do it everyday.

David

Thank you so much. It helps to know that I'm not alone...

Actually, I guess I do pretty much the same things. I wear a lot of black, gray, dark red, and purple. I'm never without my Celtic cross necklace. I've even used some of my more-tame artwork on bulletin boards. For instance, I have an Easter board up right now with a drawing of a cross, made out of thorns on a hillside.

I like how you said that like relationships, it's about "give and take." I agree... I never want to be disrespectful and really try to gauge how much I should share with students or parents about it. My one hope is that I can show my students how to be an individual, but do it modestly and within the school dress code. And you're right; being gothic is definitely more than appearances...

...Nigheve

Most of the time I buy black, gray and dark colored clothing at the mainstream stores and wear those to work. I look very up to date, very modest. Yet I feel I have not betrayed myself. I even wear some corsets as very nice vests... you would be amazed how many people rave about them... until they learn they are from Hot Topic.
LOL. It took me most of my 5 years dressing gothic to come to figure out how to do it well. You know you're dressing well when all of the modern preppy people think that it looks just as cool as your gothic friends do.

Hehheee
Cammillion

I was an assistant for a kindergarten class and made every effort to appear not at all gothic and yet somehow I still did. I did not ever wear black and still it wasn't enough for the critical teacher and parents who kept complaining. I had it the day I was called into the office for wearing a shirt with a spider on it, bought from Target, for Halloween. There was another teacher wearing Halloween witch pajamas and we were having Halloween crafts and a party that afternoon. The principal had the audacity to tell me they don't celebrate holidays at the school. So I decided to buy old lady flower pastel clothes at a thrift store. They loved it. So I guess my experience was probably extreme, but I didn't have any luck! I now love my job where I work from home and can wear pajamas and kitty cat slippers.

Hannah

It's funny, no matter how decked out I was, even in a suit, at the Law Firm, they still knew I was a freak. I just can't completely hide it somehow... hehee... I just bought anything and everything black from Express for work. Lol. But the clients still loved me and always complimented me on my ornate crosses and on my other vintage jewelry. It's kind of weird now to be able to wear whatever I want again. I almost feel weird dressing casual. I have a closet full of work clothes I have no idea what to do with...

Lectra

Well, I am an office grunt and I do temp work at different places. To be honest, that does not really allow me to express myself much BUT... I have found that a black blazer is a staple for me. Really, I have to respect the place I work at HOWEVER, I do wear one or two of my jewelry pieces or one from Sun Spot Designs. Sometimes big fat white woman talk behind my back and say all kinds of nasty things but that is gonna happen. I DO hide the tatts though. People get really weird about those.

Leslidiana

I take pictures of school children and have to wear a uniform top and a "conservative, solid colored" bottom half. Most of the people I work with wear khakis (or however you spell it) and sneakers. I wear a longish black circle skirt, black hose and black boots. Most of the time I skip my make-up, though I do wear my black polish (which I have professionally done). If I am going to a Christian school I will often put gray or burgundy nail polish on over my black but I know that some schools even frown on that. But then again, I've had kids in high school switch lines to get in mine, knowing I will respect their preferences.

On a funny note, the other day another coworker decided to wear a longish black skirt instead of her usual tan pants and got asked "Hey, you trying to look like Raven?" Everyone has always known about my gothic side and they respect my willingness to downplay it.

Raven Shadowwinds