GARY'S STORY

hristian? Goth? At the same time?

If you are a Christian goth then, at some point, you were probably asked, "Why all the black?"

Or here is the classic, “I didn't realize it was Halloween.”

Hmm, people's lack of willingness to try to understand never ceases to amaze me! Same thing with trying to be an outspoken Christian. “Are you a Jesus freak?”

Seems like we spend most of our time defending one or both of these labels to people—being a Goth and being a Christian.

Years ago, as a teen, my room was adorned with posters and items from the Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Sisters of Mercy, etc. and yet, there was also a cross on my wall.

Growing up catholic, I had and still do have a fascination with religious imagery. Now, it is purely for decoration though as I realize that I only need prayer to reach Christ.

It wasn't until the last few years that I have been back in the church that I truly understood and could comprehend what Jesus did for us by dying on the cross. And yet, the whole time leading to that day, He was considered an outcast, spoke out for the outcast; people that society had pushed away for one reason or another. Christ welcomed anyone and everyone; and he made it a point to love the sinners, people who had been pushed away for so long, that it was Christ's hands that picked them up.

Jesus welcomed them as they were.

I remember when I realized that for the decade I did not attend a church, there was a void in my life and that I tried to fill that void with alcohol, drugs and generally self-destructive behavior and it was never full.

I come from a very close family and while my parents except and love me for who I am, I knew there was still something missing. I spent many months being introspective and searching for the answers.

Had I listened to some people in my life, I would have saved myself a lot of time!

I had a need and it was for Christ, but in my own way, I thought I had to get it together, to clean myself up before He could accept me.

Know why?

Society is the one who we look to as to what is acceptable and most times, non-conformists are not welcomed.

Have you seen what they view as acceptable?

Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it?

Sorry, but if trying to follow Christ's teachings and how He treated people doesn't follow the norm... then sign me up!

After I was baptized for the second time in my life, the void started to disappear and I started to hand over control of my life to Jesus (reluctantly I might add).

I began to understand why He accepted the outcasts, throw-aways of society, in a very simple word—love.

He loves us unconditionally and doesn't care, how 'dirty' we may feel, how our life seems in shambles, or even how in control we think we are. He welcomes us and for His love for us—He was crucified. Yet, despite that hurt, His love resounded from the Heavens when He rose from the grave and his blood bought you and me. If that isn't a sacrifice, I would be hard pressed to find one greater.

I still struggle to let Christ have more control but I understand His patience. When things don't happen the way I would like, I don't question it—because that is a small price to pay for the ultimate sacrifice.

Still, at times, I felt like I still wasn't being me. I changed so many things in my life and yet, felt like I was keeping other stuff hidden in the closet. I was drawn to the gothic lifestyle, the dress, the music and I worried about how this was ever going to fit into Christ's vision for my life. How could I share the words of Jesus looking at times like a funeral director?

Then it came back to me, “Come as you are.”

"Fear thou not
For I am with thee:
Be not dismayed
For I am thy God:
I will strengthen thee
Yea, I will help them."
~ Isaiah 41:10

So, how are we to live for Jesus and be a Goth?

My belief still lies in the “Come as you are” theory and remembering that Christ will not judge us by our dress, the color of our hair, etc. because He knows what is in our hearts.

My friends, let yourself shine in the darkness and be the light for the lost souls out there. Remember how you may have felt when you had the tug on your heart from Christ and He lifted you up and told you that you were forgiven.

By the blood of Christ,
Gary Murphy