HEATHER'S STORY

was brought up to be a Christian since both my Mom and dad are Christians. I never really got into my religion that much, nor did I want to, due to the fact that my dad claimed to be a good Christian man, and everyone that knew him thought very highly of him... but they didn't know what really went on in our home.

We lived in a tiny condominium in California. My dad spent most of his free time growing beautiful flowers around the outside of our home. The neighbors all thought the outside of our home looked very nice. But it was all an act. Growing up was hell. My dad would get drunk every night and beat on my Mom, my two sisters and I.

I didn't understand how such a “good” Christian man could do such things. I'd pray with my Mom and sisters 24-7 asking God to make my dad stop hurting us, but nothing ever happened. Every night it was the same thing. My Mom would rush my sisters and I into the back room with her before my dad got home. We’d stay there hoping that if he didn’t see us he’d just go in his room and fall asleep. But instead he’d look for my Mom, find her back there with us, and start beating on her in front of us. And if we'd start crying too loud or screaming he'd beat us too.

Somewhere along the line I just stopped praying and believing in God since praying didn't seem to work.

Years went by and my dad still beat us. I guess I just couldn't take it anymore, and had no one to talk to about it, so I decided to believe in God again, hoping that perhaps if I believed and prayed he'd help us. I think God must have heard our prayers because my dad sat us all down on the coach one night and apologized to us with tears in his eyes. He said he would stop drinking and be a better father to us. He said that nobody deserves to live like that. I was SOOO happy. He DID give up alcohol, for awhile, and stopped abusing us... for awhile... better than nothing, right?

He was doing pretty good, until he started having problems at work, I guess that must have triggered something in him 'cause he started drinking again and beating us again. But I realized that God is real and will answer prayers, it just takes some time, and I guess the person has to be willing to change also.

I believed ever since God first answered my prayers. I got into my religion a bit more. But it wasn’t until I reached the 8th grade that I REALLY got into it. I began to enjoy reading the Bible.

My parents think dressing black means you’re crazy. They think it is a cry for help. My dad wants me to look “Normal.” But I told him I work through my depression differently. I don't speak to others about it. Instead I write poetry. I feel that helps me get it out. Sometimes I just like to be alone so I can think.

In the 7th grade I dressed what he likes to call “normal.” Back then I had problems, and I did exactly what I’m doing now to get rid of them or to help me through them—writing poetry about them and sometimes just being alone to think about them.

I was very depressed then as well as now, but he didn't notice because I looked “normal.” Just because someone looks “Normal” doesn't mean they're happy and don't have any problems. I had more problems back then than I do now and I wasn't into God that much at all and listened to music like Marilyn Manson. But of course that didn't matter to my father 'cause I dressed normal, which meant I must have been a happy child.

In the 8th grade I found myself dressing in black all the time. I kept to myself at school, though I did this anyway even when I looked normal. I was very sad because my dad started drinking again and beating up on my Mom, sisters and I.

I could never call the cops on him. First, because growing up he taught my sisters and I that cops were bad. Second, because last time the cops got involved, my Mom told my sisters and I that if he ever had to go to jail she'd kill herself.

She loves him so much and does not want to ever lose him. This I know because last year my older sister called the police because my dad was beating up on my mother and me. Both my sisters don't live here anymore. The cops took him to jail and he was not aloud in our house for six months. During those six months he wrote a suicide letter to my Mom, tried to kill himself, and the police took him to the hospital. My Mom was so upset and scared, she obviously loves him and never wants to be away from him... but anyway...

At this point in my life I have never felt better about who I am. God means everything to me. He is number one in my life and I have never been happier.

Thanks to Lady Michaela I have given up Marilyn Manson and all the rest of the music I listened to back when I was... “normal.” The reason I say thanks to her is because I entered the Contest thing on ChristianGoth.com. She emailed me back later on and told me I had won the Savior Machine cassette.

I had never heard of Savior Machine before but was willing to give it a try. Then the mail came and I got my tape. I listened to it and was shocked; it was literally the best music I have ever heard the lyrics were incredible.

After listening to it I gave up Marilyn Manson and all my other bad music. I thanked Lady Michaela and she told me that she had used random.com or something like that to pick the winner, she said that she prayed to God to have the person who needs it the most to get it.

Thanks to God and Lady Michaela and Savior Machine I have given up all my bad music and only listen to good music... but not only that; giving up all the bad music made me feel great! So I decided to be careful about what I watch on TV. I only watch things that I know aren't bad.

Everything in my life has changed for the better, and I couldn't be happier about that. I still keep to myself at school but now it is for the purpose of reading my Bible. Sure I get made fun of for this and have people shout at me, “Is that The Satanic Bible!?!” but I don't let it get to me anymore. I enjoy doing it.

In fact, I had one girl (who is now my friend) walk up to me and say something like, “I don't mean this in a mean way at all, but I thought Goth's worshiped Satan or something, or just didn't believe in God at all.”

I was so happy that she had said that because that gave me the chance to tell her the truth. I explained to her that just because someone looks different doesn't mean they are a bad person. I told her that, yes some Goths can be into the devil, but so can preps, and cheerleaders, and nerds and jocks. I told her that God does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart, and that it says that in the Bible.

She is such a nice person; we are very good friends now. But anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that everything in my life has gotten better. My dad just fails to see it because I’m Gothic. I have told him a hundred times what I believe in and about how much happier I am now even if he can't see it, and that I am comfortable with my appearance and am not always depressed. He doesn't believe me, but that's all right, I only have a month left 'til I can move out.

Being a Christian has changed so much for me over time. The more I pray the better things get here at home. When I’m sad or angry and feel I have no one, I realize I have God, He always makes me feel better. Having God in my life is the best feeling in the world. I can't tell you how much things have changed from what they use to be.

To some it all up, the last time my dad had any alcohol was about 6 months ago. And he doesn't really hurt us anymore, if he does he realizes what he's doing and then stops. God DOES work miracles.

Sometimes you might not notice them right away, but He does. If you truly believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins, and you have excepted Jesus into your heart, and change your ways for Him, then you are sure to see a change in your life, and alot of answered prayers.

Heather